previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
The city is on high alert.
We are trying to avoid the gate, not go through it.
I am taking you to another point on the wall.
You tie off to the other side and one, two, three, you go over and scale down.
Leave the rope there.
But you come down and land into some brush and you see off towards the main road that
cuts across the city, you see helmed guards patrolling, but you are able to make your
way through the brush and you look back up to the wall and the location where you came
down, you see one of these large gargoyles come out of the night and land and crunch
down on top of the pillar where you climbed down and it's scanning the grass below.
But it doesn't appear to see you as you disappear into the night on your way back
to Prosker.
And from the city of Cereloon you just hear faintly on the wind the sound of a pan flute
playing a melody from a faraway land.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More and with me today is Carla Maxted.
That is me.
I know how to play this game expertly.
Just wait.
And I play Glim.
And Amy More.
I know how to play this game marginally.
And I play Sullivan Sleight.
And Tom Laird.
I know how to play this game Muppetippa.
And I play Moot.
So hi, everybody.
It seems like we haven't played this or any main feed game in forever.
Well, it has been a while.
Russ had to do the intro like nine times.
I'll put.
Yeah, there was only a couple, but.
I'm D&D.
No way.
No, I'm.
I'm.
Welcome to Russ.
I'm a Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I mean, story checks out.
Yeah, a little rusty.
A little rusty.
Hi.
Where you can hear a game that we played more more recently than this and where Tom
did much better introing the game than I did is over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash
dumb dragon cast, where when you're a patron you get access to our exclusive game
called The Adventures of Facing Fate.
No, not Facing Fate.
Get out of here, Amy.
I'm sorry. I wasn't.
I didn't have my listening ears on.
Usually you're teeing us up for Facing Fate.
I got all excited.
No, no.
This one's all about Tom.
Well, not really.
The Adventures of.
It's about all of you.
Yeah. And mostly Russ.
And the. What?
I mean, yeah, that's fair.
I do hijack it every now and again.
That's that's that's not my fault.
It isn't.
Clearly, you know, this is I feel like this season that we're doing right now.
Season four is just Opal's arc.
And then. He'll just be dust in the wind after that.
He will somehow become the big bad.
Has been prophesized.
But when you're a patron, you also get an episode dedicated to you.
Like today's patron.
Eli McElveen and Sean Howard.
Thanks, Eli and Sean.
Oh, Sean and Eli and Sean.
You are amazing.
We know them.
We do know them.
We know. Well, we know in person.
We did meet them in person.
Pre pandemic.
Yeah. Remember meeting people in person.
Oh, they're wild times.
There was a there was a point this year when we could have seen Sean again
in person, but covid.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because we were going to try and do the Edmonton Expo again.
And he was going to come out for that.
Collective sigh.
Yeah. Well, we miss you guys.
Anyways, now it's time to play the game, I think.
Fuck it, let's play.
Previously, because I think we all need a little refresher.
Need a little previously.
The three of you had gone to the wonderful city of Sarah Loon.
You proceeded to fire blast faces.
Touch my donkey.
No one touches Rolf.
Donkey, which you left the donkey there.
We did with a very kind staple boy.
Oh, Rolf, I love you so much.
You stole a bunch of stuff off of a ship and then you escaped
via a local rooftop escape artist.
Sneaky sneak.
Named Flora's Lava, played by the wonderful Keith Ahman.
And now we find you having
spent a good 10 day on the road,
practicing your skills.
Thinking about what to do next with your life.
Rolling up to the city of Prosker.
Now, Sully, during this time, you've been really honing those skills.
You know, you got a good practice on the ship there,
perhaps in some weird, roguish way, lending a hand
to all of your friends, because everybody rolled really well.
But you got to level up.
Oh, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, laser's explosions.
So we're going to go into what you got.
You go to level three, Sully.
Stats. Yeah.
All right. So in this level, only one thing changed for me.
I got to choose a roguish archetype.
So this is something that
that I get at third level, and it makes me awesome.
I chose. Well, I'm not going to split hairs here.
It makes me awesome.
It makes you awesome.
But it guides the type of rogue that you are for future.
Oh, I know. Yeah.
I'm just explaining this to to our listeners.
Oh, right. Because this is a podcast.
What? For other people.
Are you out there listening right now?
I mean, we dedicated to somebody, at least one person's listening.
That's true. We dedicated it to two people.
That's true. All right.
So mastermind is what I chose.
And it says with mastermind,
I gain master of intrigue,
which means I gain proficiency with the disguise kit,
the forgery kit and one gaming set of my choice.
And I get to learn two languages of my choice.
Additionally, I get to unerringly.
Do you hear that, Russell?
I'm not going to make any mistakes because it says unerringly.
OK, means without error,
mimic the speech patterns and accents of a creature that I hear speak
for at least a minute, enabling me to pass myself off as a native
speaker of a particular land, provided that I know the language.
Everybody you meet from now on is only going to speak in one word sentences.
Just a lot of grunts.
Uh, Amy, I'm very excited for Sully's
master of the disguise kit because I'm picturing just fake mustaches
all of the time, all the time.
Those big Groucho glasses with the nose attached to them.
Perfect. Yeah, a lot of them are going to be homemade.
It's going to be great.
So I chose a dice set and my two languages being draconic and orc.
I also get master of tactics.
So it says that starting at this level,
I get to use the help action as a bonus action.
Additionally, when you use the help action to aid an ally in attacking
a creature, the target of that attack can be within 30 feet of you
rather than within five feet of you, if the target can see or hear you.
So it makes help a lot more helpful.
When was the last time you used the help action?
I didn't even know I had it.
I mean, never, almost never.
And now it's a bonus action.
So you can use it all the time, not use it again and again.
You can not use it on every turn.
But this is what happens is that I get something cool
and then I go, oh, I didn't know I could do that.
And now I'm going to do it.
I hope so. Maybe.
What does it help? Or alternatively, alternatively,
in about six or eight months, we'll get a new listener.
They'll listen back to this old episode.
They'll go on Discord and say, hey, does Amy ever use that bonus
action of help that she has?
And then we'll all be like, oh, yeah, help.
That's the best. Where is help?
It's under bonus actions now.
To carry on the stats, stats, stats, stats, actions.
Help is one where you can provide assistance
in a narrative or mechanic style way.
I'm sorry, Russ, I don't know where you're looking.
What the listener can see is that Russ is pointing at Amy's
computer screen directly to help
and help once you once you use that action, gives the person
you are helping advantage on their next role,
of which you are helping them with, be it a strength check and stealth or whatever.
Oh, I hope Sully sneaks in behind someone on his hands and knees
so Glim can push them over him.
It might be you. Classic.
It might be Moot. All right.
Sorry. Follow up question.
This is just like learning time with Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Improvise? Yeah.
It's like, oh, I've got this spoon and this rattlesnake.
I'd like to improvise a banjo.
Yeah. Well, usually it's like improvising a weapon because it's in combat.
Right. I'd like to I'd like to pick up the snake near me
and use it as a whip and whip this person in the face.
Is that like improvise? Yeah. Yeah.
Fang first whip in the face.
I mean, that's awesome.
If you click on them, they tell you what they do, too.
Oh, my God, they do.
Y'all, I'm not going to waste the rest of the podcast time with this.
I'll do my own reading.
No, this is learning with me.
I'd like to hear at least one more option of improvise
because the first one is true.
I would also like another example and a snake.
And then you make a banjo.
So please tell me what else comes to you immediately,
because that was magical.
You know, I don't know.
Like if I had like a tin can and a rock, I could probably like make
I don't know, like I'm going to say I just want to go with musical device.
I'm right there.
I'm like, it'd be a really poor maraca.
I was going to say the one rock maraca.
I mean, probably a better maraca than the snake spoon banjo.
No idea what I do with that snake spoon banjo.
We're going to find out now that now that Amy knows
Sully can improvise during combat.
Ah, all these basic things.
It's just so good.
And now we can leave Sully.
Snake spoon now stats over.
We join the three of you.
How how did you get back?
Did you just walk the whole way or did you hitch a ride?
You tell me what you're doing as you get back into Prosker.
Improvise Amy, this is your time to shine.
I hop Sully hops on Glim's back, right?
All like, yeah.
It doesn't go over well.
I don't think it lasts very long.
I mean, you could help.
You could help me with my strength check with your help.
And then I'd be very extra strong and it'd be no problem
because you'd use improvise as the action and help as the bonus action.
Mm hmm. It's all coming together now.
You rue the day that I looked at this sheet of paper.
You rue the day I've read my character sheet, Russ.
That's OK. It's not going to stick.
We all know. I'll forget this.
I think I think we walk.
I think we try to lay really low, right?
We just escaped a city in which we were wanted people.
And now we're moseying on up to like an entire city of thieves and crooks.
So all right.
So 10 day walk.
I feel like Glim is really just she's feeling it.
She's good. She's in the zone.
Sully and Moot, though.
Probably dragging a little bit by this point is my guess.
My for sure ask for piggyback rides.
We're not we don't have the hearty constitution that Glim does, though.
It's true.
I mean, I have a very good constitution score, but not in that way.
Right. I do not.
Guys, I feel like we've been walking for like a really long time.
I know. Isn't it great?
I feel so good.
We've been out in this fresh air and we're heading to Prosker.
And we escaped that place where I never even want to think about again
or go to again or consider again, except for Flora's Lava, who was so cool.
He was like really cool.
He was definitely really cool.
I know I said I wouldn't say it again, but are we there yet?
Yeah. How long how long is it to Prosker?
I mean, we must be almost there, right?
It's got to be like over this hill.
Please tell me it's over.
Oh, is it over the hill?
You get up to the top of the hill.
And on the other side of that hill.
You see another hill.
But on the other side of that hill, you see Prosker.
Fuck it. I'm rolling down these hills and Sully straight up bends over,
grabs his ankles and like tire rolls himself down the hill.
OK. Tell me how many jugs you're carrying as you do this.
I'm not carrying the jugs.
No, we gave them all to me, remember?
All of them for 10 days. Wow.
We took lots of rests.
You know, I have all of them.
Maybe Moot maybe has a couple, but I know I took Sully's for sure.
Yeah, I think I had the soft spices and things like that.
Right, because there were six total jugs.
Yeah. Yeah.
OK, that's cool.
We've got two strong people and Sully.
So Sully is.
Like hula hoop rolling himself down this hill right now, I suppose.
Just ass over tea kettle, just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the sound it would be if he was on the hill.
It's like a Benny Hill theme going as it's going.
Yeah, exactly.
Find me. Yeah, exactly.
Where are these scantily clad women come from?
And these keystone cops that are running around chasing them.
Oh, yeah.
It's about midday as you roll into Prosker.
Where's your literally?
Ah, what's you do?
What's your what are you doing?
It's your first stop. Where do you go?
Who do you see? What do you do?
I know about you guys, but I really like a hot meal.
Is Prosker where we came from?
Like where the blood oath was signed? Yes.
Unbeknownst to Glim, but yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
That was Carla asking, not Glim.
And where I got in trouble for handing out pamphlets.
That was Glim.
Yep. Yep. That was Prosker.
That's where all of this began.
I got kidnapped. Yep. Yep.
Yes. But Moot met a great friend. That's true.
Only good only good memories for you.
Yeah, I mean, probably food and lodgings.
And then we have this stuff that we probably want to get get back to Charmy.
Hey, guys, maybe we can go grab something to eat at the Rusty Bucket.
Yeah, I could use some some home cooked meal in cooked meal.
You know what I mean. Not road food.
Bucket cooked meal.
Just bring me a bucket of that chicken that they're so so hyped about.
I hadn't heard about the chicken.
Oh, apparently it's finger licking good.
Yeah, right. I can go for some wings of something.
All right. You head to the Rusty, Rusty Bucket.
The Rusty Bucket.
The Rusty Bucket. Take several white Russians, please.
That's right. It's all borscht and white Russians.
This is different than I remember.
Ownership changed. Yeah.
You head to the Rusty Bucket.
You grab your food.
They have a tavern attached, which provides you lodgings.
Well, right.
Like, we should probably take this stuff to Charmy.
And I mean, I've used seven napkins already and my hands are still slick.
Anybody got like a napkin, but like it's been pre-moistened?
Hmm. I don't know.
Maybe maybe they can just get you like a wet rag from behind the bar.
Would that work? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.
Or a finger bowl. Oh, yeah, those are fun.
That sounds like really fancy.
I don't know. I don't know.
Moot, write this down for me.
Write this down. OK. Pre-wetted napkin.
Pre-wetted napkin.
Mm hmm. We're going to call it the PWN.
PWN. Yeah, it's going to be big.
Remind me in like, remind me in like 10 days.
OK, I'm on it.
What's happening in 10 days?
Don't ask. None of your business.
There's a there's an old woman sitting beside you.
What's happening in 10 days, dearie?
How is this going to be such a big thing in 10 days?
I can't explain. Yeah, it's just a feeling I have.
Also, you've been listening this whole time.
You know, it's rather nosy.
Well, you sat down right next to me at this table here.
Just invited yourself.
Are we in the same fucking booth right now?
Yeah, we're on a four top and we did sit right next to this old woman.
Yeah, I was just sitting here enjoying my rusty bucket of chicken.
And the three of you sit down and just start talking about wet napkins.
Well, perhaps you seemed a little bit lonely.
Well, I just thought some proximity would be would be nice.
Well, it's been a while since I've seen my children.
All right, we should probably go see Shami.
Are you lonely?
Because I could tell you about this friend of mine.
I would love a story.
He keeps you company in like all of the darkness.
Maybe we should wrap this up before it gets started.
Well, also, Glim, you're not supposed to do that here.
You got in big trouble.
Yeah, that was a bit of a problem last time we were here.
What's she not supposed to do? Right.
Oh, nothing. I'll I'll tell you later.
Prostate to the size.
I put the pamphlet that I was holding back in my back in my pocket.
No pamphlets here.
You're a very interesting group and I like you a lot.
My name's
Judith.
Pfft.
Judith.
Mmm, Judith.
Sometimes I don't say my name very often.
Sometimes I just get stuck in my chops there.
You know what?
Sometimes the name just tastes, you know, when the name just
and you rolled around in your mouth and you're just like,
mmm, Judith.
Judith.
All right, Judith.
All right.
You enjoy that bucket.
All right, wet napkins, friend.
I'll tell you about Bahamut.
Mmm.
Bahamut.
Judith, you keep that under your belt.
You don't say that word.
I'm just tasting Bahamut.
Mmm, Bahamut.
It's the most delicious word in the universe.
But we should go.
We've got jugs of stolen goods to deliver.
Well, you've got to do something.
See you later.
What?
Bye-bye now.
Bye, Judith.
Bye.
We didn't want to take Judith with us.
Guys, I think that's the first time we've turned down
an NPC to come with us ever.
I just really didn't like the way she said it.
It was very unsettling.
So I thought Amy said, call her Judith.
At one point, I was like, wow.
I didn't, but it would be great.
Nope, definitely said Judith, just with Sully's accents.
Mmm.
Oh, yeah.
Don't worry, I didn't want you to bring Judith either.
I didn't know she was going to be there.
Yeah, I was going to say that wasn't one of your carefully
crafted NPCs.
No, he has a wrench down here.
There's like four M's and then Judith.
Ruslick said, as patient, it just says, sexy goblin,
so we're in for it tonight.
Yeah.
Judith.
Bah-mah-t.
Bah-mah-t, bah-mah-t, bah-mah-t.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
We're going to take this little break here to say,
this is what happens when we don't record for a month
and a half on a specific storyline.
It's good.
It reminds me.
We're just coming home to these old friends,
and it just feels so good.
It reminds me of how we used to do it, all shenanigan.
It was a little rocky start there,
but once Judith showed up, it really just brought it all back.
Yep.
Mmm, Judith.
He's doing something with his tongue, isn't he?
Mmm, Judith.
Judith.
It's a lot of lip licking going on.
Well, that's the only way to make that noise.
Mmm.
No, it's not.
Mmm, Judith.
No, it's got like a mmm.
It's got like a mmm thing in it.
Stop it.
Throw some wet sounds.
Lots of wet sounds.
I mean, the mood vote for this episode of 3M's Judith
is going to be a real weird one.
I'm sure Judith, how many M's is that?
I went for three.
Yeah, I think it's like three sounds.
Yeah, three's good.
Four, a little excessive.
Well, there's a mmm, so yeah, there's three.
How am I supposed to articulate that?
Is there like a special umlong for M's when you go up an octave?
Yeah, sure.
Why not?
You can use some capitals in lower cases and they'll really get your point across.
Oh, that's true.
Yep.
Somebody cling clang at this door.
God, Judith seemed really lonely.
Yeah, I'm going to come find her later maybe.
I don't know if you should do that, Glen.
Tell her about Vaughnet.
I know.
It's like-
I thought it was just the pamphlets.
Do you think it was-
No, I think it's the whole thing.
I think it's the general message.
Right, because we're in the Thieves' City and they don't like me.
That's right.
This is preaching about the Lord of Justice.
Well, it's not that they don't like you.
Yeah, they just don't like you.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're going to be respectful of their trickster thievy person.
Yeah, I want to be respectful of their beliefs as well.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
All right, let's go find Shami here.
You know what?
You guys have been troopers holding these jugs.
Do you want me to carry them the rest of the way?
Not all of them.
Maybe like three of them?
Maybe not three of them.
Maybe like two of them?
I think it's fine.
Would you like-
How about-
I'll give you one.
Oh yeah, okay.
I can carry a jug.
Okay.
You head back to the town square of Prosker where Shami's establishment is.
It's a happening day.
Everybody's out shopping, having a good time.
Shami's got a lineup, you know, six people deep.
This is good.
Guys, I think we should join a lineup.
This is just a feeling I have as Amy.
I immediately want to stand in this line for no reason.
Who might we talk to in this lineup?
It's true.
Also, I feel like sometimes we're just so Canadian.
That we just get in line and we're like, cool.
It's like we see a lineup and then we just get in a lineup.
Yeah.
And then you talk to the person in front of you and every person just like did
the same thing and no one even knows.
Anyway.
Like a garbage chute perhaps?
Canadian problems.
Yeah, like a garbage chute.
All right, good.
Just going to sidle up next to, hello there.
The gentleman in front of you turns around just waiting in line for some herbs.
Ah, yeah.
Oh, your name's Herb?
It's so nice to meet you.
No, my name's Frederick, but I'm here for herbs.
Oh, I see.
Frederick, it's so nice to meet you.
My name's Glim.
Pleasure.
Do people call you Freddie?
Uh, not in a long time.
What about Rick?
Never, actually.
Not once has anybody called me Rick, so.
That could be something cool you get into.
Yeah.
Apostrophe Rick.
Let me try it on here for a minute.
Hey, I'm Rick.
Well, that sounds pretty awesome.
Hey, Rick, how's it going?
Yeah.
It seems cool.
Hey, I'm Frederick.
I mean, still good, but maybe it doesn't have the same...
Zing.
Hey, I'm Rick.
Rick should have, like, a leather jacket.
Rick's a good-time guy.
Okay.
Well, I've got a son named Carl, so, you know what, let me call, maybe you can help
him with his name, Carl!
So we've got Carl, Rick, and, mm, Judith.
There's a theme, folks.
Can you guess it?
I am sensing a theme.
Just drop that in the Discord if you've figured out the Easter egg in this.
It just happened.
A skinny boy comes walking over.
What?
Well, these folks just gave me a new name.
What?
Yeah, we renamed you Dad.
To what?
Rick.
Yeah, my name is Rick now.
That's stupid.
Hey, you respect your dad.
That's his name.
It's also just half of his regular name.
What are you, witches?
Were you a witch?
No.
Why would you?
Because you're changing names.
Now we just offered a suggestion.
I don't know if you understand what witches do.
To change people's names, obviously.
So my mom always wrote me up.
She says, is anybody trying to change your name, they're probably a witch?
That's a very specific thing to have been told.
What happened to your mom?
She had her name changed by a witch.
But couldn't she just ask people to call her something else?
She couldn't remember.
But then how'd she know to tell you?
Aha!
Are you a witch?
No.
Cotton, you don't fucking lie.
Get out of here, kid.
Well, that's my son.
I'm going to turn back.
Oh, look, we're next in line here.
I'm just going to go buy my herbs.
Nice to meet you.
My name is Rick.
It was real nice meeting you too, Rick.
Nice to meet you, Rick.
Bye, Rick.
Your son's a dick.
Was he like six?
Seven?
Yeah.
God.
Oh, that's a lot.
I somehow thought like 12.
He approached with a lot of tween.
Yeah, he had some real attitude going on.
I guess I misread that.
Yeah, probably like middle years.
Yeah.
Tweens.
Rick goes and buys his herbs and then you're next in line there.
You walk in and it's the same style of setup.
Lots of turnstiles as last time.
Shami, baby, we're back.
Who are you?
Uh.
Remember?
You zipped us off to saloon.
Oh, right.
You just tell him that you've completely forgotten about us regardless of if we were
to come back with your stuff.
We would have been off scot-free.
Well, no.
You signed the-
Oh, no, no.
Hello.
Sully, are you okay, Sully?
Sully, oh my goodness.
Yeah, sorry about that.
No, you're right.
We would have came back regardless because those are the kind of good people we are.
Give her her things, everybody.
Oh, good.
Let me just check the inventory here.
Lay them all out on the table.
She pulls out her list.
She goes down six alchemical jugs marked with the sign of Dagon, which of course looks
like-
This symbol here on these here jugs?
Yeah.
Yeah, just like the ones that are right here.
This checks out.
Yeah.
Yep.
My papers are somewhere.
I took notes.
Uh-huh.
Oh, you got some-
And everything nice is.
It's all there, man.
And everything nice is from Aglaros.
She's got the dream- dream flake, the sundrop, the satara, the goji leaf, the sticks.
What do we got here?
We got a couple extras, don't we?
You just thought about bringing some extras back?
He stole more than you needed to?
We're not on purpose.
It all kind of happened so fast.
Well, steal is such an ugly word.
Well, what do you want to do with these two here?
Do you- do you have a use for them?
If they do, maybe they could help Sully with that cough he just evaded.
Oh, yeah, that'd be good.
Yeah, no, you probably don't want to do that.
This one here is, uh, luex?
Uh, it's a poison.
Oh, I definitely don't want to eat that.
Uh, let me tell you what it does.
It's not good.
Wait for it.
I'm waiting.
I'm on the edge of my seat.
I'm looking it up in my book.
Oh, you found a seat, Sully?
No.
I did not find a seat.
But you said you were on the edge of your seat.
Oh, that's just a saying.
That's like what people say.
I hadn't heard that one.
I'm going to write that one down.
I like that one.
Yeah, jot that one down.
So when you have so much anticipation, uh, that like you're on the edge of your
seat because you're not all relaxed and stuff sitting at the back of your seat.
Oh, sure, sure.
Yeah.
Uh, well, when I said it was a poison, it's not actually a poison.
You put it on, uh, it's made from powdered stalks of luex plants, uh, which only
grow in very specific regions.
Uh, it's normally sprinkled on bleeding wounds, which are then sealed, uh, then sealed with
bandages or magical healing.
Um, after that, oh, well, it's, uh, it's addiction rating is pretty vicious.
Yeah, side effects could include, uh, intense racking pain for the first minute.
After this, well, you could become immune to all pain.
That's a positive thing, but you don't react like you normally would.
It changes you.
Like you stabbed me in my shoulder and I like giggle or something like that.
Like you're a little clumsier.
I mean, this sounds terrible.
What could this be?
It just sounds bad all around.
This doesn't, I mean, maybe it stops the bleeding.
Oh, here you go.
Here's the bad part.
Here's the-
Maybe if it's like a mortal wound.
No.
I thought that was-
So, um, once you take more than one dose in 24 hours, well, if you don't, if you
don't really take well to these sorts of things, you could, you could die in indescribable
agony.
Oh.
Oh God.
So maybe we'll just avoid that.
Need a high constitution for that one.
Do you want, do you want something like this?
Because I mean, we could all, like, we don't have to keep it.
We could just sell it.
There's a good black market here, right?
Well you're in it.
Um, so yeah, I mean, I could, I could pay you a reasonable dollar for both of
these.
The other one here is Mordane Vapor, which is made from ground leaves of rare
herb found deep in tropical forests.
It gives you, well-
Can I guess?
Yeah, please do.
You said Vapor.
Should we all guess?
Yeah, so Vapor, so I'm imagining it makes like big billowing clouds of smoke that
you can like, maybe like do cool tricks with and everybody thinks you look really
awesome.
Oh, I like that.
I was going to say give you an erection for more than six hours.
Uh, doesn't affect your member.
Well, I mean, actually it could because it gives you visions of incredible
mind-boggling beauty.
Oh.
Well, if you're not getting hard from that, I don't know what to do.
And for all you for about half an hour and during this time, well, there's a good
chance that you lose against anything you're doing.
No.
Just basically being able to walk.
Right.
So you just lay there in excruciating amounts of pleasure with these visions
for 30 minutes.
Yeah.
Sounds like a great way to have a weekend.
High addiction rating on this one.
If two doses are taken, well, it becomes a deadly poison.
The beauty turns to death.
It could kill you in anywhere from, you know, a day to a week.
Hmm.
At least this one seems to be dangerous.
This one does something good at the beginning, at least the other one.
Just all seems terrible.
Yeah.
It's all bad.
Yeah.
Uh, and I see you got the circlet here.
That's good.
I have everything on the list.
I will hand this over to you.
She hands you the contract, which you signed.
Yep.
I take it back and I say thank you very much.
And as you hold it in your hand, it bursts into flames and falls to the ground.
Oh, that's how it's supposed to happen.
Oh, gosh.
You could have warned me.
You got me.
Really sneaky.
Yeah.
Really sneaky.
Yeah.
I changed my pants.
Well, good thing you wore your brown pants.
Don't choke Amy.
I know.
It was very mean.
I was mid-drank.
Well, that's why I always come wear my shitting pants.
It's like heavy on the walking dead right now.
But yeah, these two, yeah, I could definitely pay a reasonable price for them.
They seem really rare.
Ten gold for the Mordain Vapor, and I'd probably give you, I don't know, reasonably about
a hundred for the Lewicks, a hundred gold, a hundred ten all in.
Well, considering that we weren't expecting to pay for any of this, I mean, I'm okay
with that.
Glim, Moot, you good?
Oh, sure.
Of course.
Yeah.
Seems pretty good, yeah.
Seems fair.
I do not want the responsibility of having these powders and stuff on my...
Well, if you only take a little bit of this one, it's totally fine.
Did you want to try it before you sell it?
No?
No.
Okay.
She goes and tucks them away onto a shelf behind her.
As well.
How was your trip?
Everything goes smooth?
Well, someone touched our donkey.
Yeah, where is it?
You had a donkey.
I put it, we put it into the circle.
You had to move everything around.
I can't talk about it.
We had to give him to a good home.
It was too dangerous to get out of the city.
We had to lay low, and by lay low, I mean take to the roofs to escape.
I may have gotten very angry when someone touched the donkey, and then it seemed like
Solly hated them for some reason.
I don't know, it just seemed like the right vibe to really just flame blast them,
and then everyone sort of wanted us.
That sounds terrible.
I mean, you flame blast, anyways, regardless, regardless of that.
I mean there was other things that were good.
We made two new friends.
Mood got to wear an awesome hat.
I had a pretty awesome sun hat.
Did you get to take that hat, buddy?
You look fucking amazing in that hat.
We got new pseudonyms, so it was really like a growth experience.
Very fun, very fun.
It sounds like a wonderful adventure.
Well, if you want your donkey back, I mean I can help you out with that.
Costs 110 gold.
Well, we left him with this very nice boy.
Right?
Who seemed like real happy to have him.
I do feel like those two maybe are meant for each other.
I think so, too.
Okay.
Thank you, though.
Well, if you change your mind.
I know how sad I feel if all of a sudden a donkey that I knew and started to love,
all of a sudden just poofed away from me.
Exactly.
Great.
Right.
That's cool.
Shall we?
Have a good one.
Yeah.
No, it's a pleasure doing business with you.
Glad everything worked out in the end.
Again, if you want your donkey back or any other sort of, you know, odds and ends,
you come back to Charmy's and we'll take good care of you.
Okay.
Thanks, Charmy.
We're here in the middle.
Really?
Really got like a good.
Awesome power peed that last.
Second, third, fourth wind on that one.
Wow.
Yeah, well, you just got to sustain it.
It's like you moved away and then you're coming back, you know, but we're here.
We are here.
In the middle?
In the middle.
Welcome to it.
Thank you for being here with us.
It's a wonderful day.
It's the episode where we came back from recording with Mook, Glim, and Sully.
And it's a wild ride, isn't it?
We're all loose.
We're pretty loosey goosey.
Yeah, Judith, Judith.
We would like to thank one of our patrons for the name Eskenerveen.
And that patron is ALex Garrity.
Thank you, ALex, for that name.
Thank you, ALex.
That's one of the things that some of our patrons get to do over at
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast is provide to us NPCs and items.
We tried our very best to mention them.
We're going to be very good about it moving forward.
But we've actually made some changes to that tier.
And make it a little more alluring, if you will.
We've slapped some lingerie on this.
I know I didn't.
The way you said that made me a little bit uncomfortable.
Boudoir photo shoot for the tier.
It's it's really a lot going on.
Pick your own word and put it in there.
Whatever. No, no, that was good.
Yeah. No, alluring was the one.
But what you get to do over there now is provide to us as many names,
race, class, quirks as you can or want to at the $15 tier,
which is our in world tier.
And that will give us NPC ammunition for days.
Also, you can make Russ like if the special quirk is turn all ours into L's
and then just unleash that on Russ and watch him go.
Less is going to have a great time with that.
She did it already.
She really had that in the chamber.
So good. That could be one of the options that you do.
But also at that tier, you get to stock the shelves of the new feature
that we're going to be bringing to the show, which is Zed Mart.
What's Zed Mart?
Well, Canadian friends, you may remember something.
A store here called Zellers was fantastic.
Was it? It wasn't really.
It was like a bad Canadian kind of like discount department store.
But we don't remember going there.
It was a step down from Wal-Mart, K Mart, step down from Wal-Mart.
Some of them had like lunch counters in them.
Oh, for sure. There was a lunch counter.
Yeah. Yeah.
So it's just a little a little nostalgia.
They'd send me a letter on my birthday.
I got to eat there for free.
So we've incorporated that.
That is our Zed Mart.
So this is smart to shop there every every six to eight episodes.
Now, that store is going to pop up into a store with a new local branch
where our players, whichever storyline we happen to be in,
will be able to pop into the Zed Mart
and buy some sweet stuff that you guys come up with.
So we can browse the wares, find out what's available,
what our awesome patrons have like come up with and what they cost.
And some of them will buy, some of them will window shop,
some of them will drool over and try and convince our friends
to give us extra money so that we can like all chip in to buy them
and they'll betray us and we'll never get the thing we want that's a pony
or like whatever, for example.
Just a hypothetical.
Absolutely has never happened to Carla before ever.
It sounded rather specific, which we'll get into probably
in the downtime of whatever downtime we record next.
But but that's what we're doing.
And we'd love for you to come join us.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Come check it out.
But now let's get you back to the episode
and find out if Judith comes back.
Did you hear the tongue noise that time?
There was noise.
Judith.
OK, have a great week.
Talk to you soon.
Bye.
All right. So do you have like a list
of what we're supposed to be doing at any given time?
I think I mean, not not like a formal one.
Oh, that's surprising.
I know, but sometimes we get so distracted that it's hard for me
to keep track of what we're supposed to be doing.
Well, you guys remember how we're going to save the world.
Obviously.
Yeah, we eventually. What's it?
What's we need to go to Taman?
So to the capital to declare my oath.
Right. So I don't know.
I mean, we've been doing this other cool stuff,
but maybe we should head.
And it's very, very far.
So I don't know how we want to get there.
In what direction is it?
Well, all I'm thinking is I did this thing.
We did this thing so that we could save Merv.
But I don't know if Merv is safe.
You're right.
So like maybe he could like come along on our
on our saving the world adventure.
I know it said there was only three of us,
but maybe if we get to a coast or something,
he will enjoy his seafaring life.
Well, how do we?
So you need to talk to Laden, Laden Menda.
I mean, do you remember you got kidnapped here?
And then that's how you found out about Merv, right?
I sure did.
Do you think I don't know,
like you recognize the kidnappers if you saw them?
Like, how do we get a message?
How do we find out if Merv's OK?
I don't know. Maybe if I just like hang out in town square
by myself for a second, you guys turn your backs.
Maybe I'll get kidnapped again.
It kind of seems like something that would happen to me.
You know what? It's not the worst idea I've ever heard.
You're not wrong. It's kind of what happened last time.
All right. Well, let's stage my own kidnapping here.
And we'll just see if we like give it a few minutes.
They were pretty quick.
So it's like you turned your back for a second and they had me.
OK, well, I'm just going to go back over to our in-wink.
Yeah, I'll go with Glim.
I'm saying wink. I'm not winking.
Glim, you don't have to say winky winky.
Oh, I'm not that good at the winking.
So I say it. But OK.
We're just going to leave you here by yourself then.
All right. I'm just going to look at the cool stone work in this square.
I used to be a stoner.
Sully goes off and is looking down,
just whistling to himself, waiting to get kidnapped.
He's not whistling to himself, though. He can't whistle.
Right. He can't whistle.
Sully is just humming to himself.
Asking to be kidnapped.
Moot and Glim, where do you go?
I think just like down the road and then kind of like turn around.
It's obviously we want to, yeah, you know,
a little ways around a corner.
Two heads on top of each other. Exactly.
OK, as you walk around this corner, Moot, you almost run
face to face into your friend, Eska,
who's startled and jumps back to Moot.
I didn't know you'd be back so soon.
Oh, I didn't.
I didn't know we were going to be back right away either.
But how have you been?
What have you been up to?
Well, it's just, you know, as we had previously discussed,
taking notes on trying to figure out how to
tackle these magical abilities.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Yeah, I mean, I had a couple other events
since then, and I tried to try to figure out what I was doing previously.
One, I was summoning my mage hand to get a box of oats.
As one does, yeah, that's a that's a pretty standard thing.
It's just, you know, a long day juggling.
You don't want to get up and get the oats.
I get it.
And the other one, there was, I mean,
I was doing my snowball trick and these little,
I don't know what they were.
They were just little like mushroom gremlin people
just popped out of nowhere and started like terrorizing the people.
I don't know if they were trying to terrorize the people,
but they were certainly making a lot of hi, I'm Eska.
Oh, Eska, it's so it's so nice to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
Moot told me so much about you.
Oh, wow, that's that's that's great.
We had long days on the road.
So, you know, you have to, of course,
you learn a lot about people and the people they know and the people
the people they know know all those people.
Well, that's that's great.
And so, yeah, a couple couple occurrences.
No real trigger.
Like I felt like just this surge of like
power, right, as soon as it happened.
It felt like it felt good.
Oh, see, I'm always I never remember what mine feel like.
I just remember the things that happen after.
Oh, did anything happen to you?
Well, I had one happen to me, but I just felt really warm inside
after it happened.
But I'm not really sure if it I had one where I wet my pants, too.
No, no, no, no.
And that's not what I mean.
Like I felt like war.
Sorry. No, yeah, me neither.
I just seen a big hot bowl of soup or something.
I felt really warm inside.
Oh, that's that's not like I'd spilled it on my crotch.
Oh, yeah, of course, me neither.
I mean, I was just, you know, trying to, you know,
normalize your situation in that moment.
Well, it's very kind of you, but it wasn't needed.
Yeah. OK, fair enough.
OK, well.
Great. I mean, you got you got time to chat.
And he's just walking around like maybe we can try
and figure this out, throw iceballs at each other and like see if we can't.
I don't know.
Well, you guys can go ahead if you want mood.
I can keep an eye on Sully and I look back at Sully in the square.
And what's he doing?
Sully's gotten a little tired of standing.
It's been a long.
So he's you see his small figure crisscross applesauce
sitting on the stone in the square.
Like he's got a stick in one hand and he's like pushing rocks.
He just looks so kidnappable.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah, I can keep an eye on Sully if you guys.
Want to do you want to meet back at the at the end later?
Or should I meet you somewhere?
Yeah, I guess meet back at the end.
And yeah, I don't I don't know how well,
we'll just be as long as we're going to be.
Yeah, I think I can probably handle the kidnappers.
I mean, last time they ran away pretty quick
and this time I'll know right away that he's been kidnapped.
So, yeah, I can handle it.
All right, cool. Thanks, Glim.
And Aska and I go off like arm and arm, skipping down the street.
That's nice.
La la la to talk about magic.
Sully, you're sitting in the middle of the street.
People are walking by you, some of them looking at you like,
what are you what are you doing?
But you're still not kidnapped.
He looks around like really.
Just disappointed that no one's kidnapped him.
It's like, well, I'm not good enough to kidnap second time.
Yeah. So he starts to get up
and brushes, brushes pants off and kind of.
He has no idea how long he's been sitting there for.
It could have been forever for all Sully knew.
But he starts to make his way back to the inn
because we didn't say where we were going to meet.
So Sully's just like.
Yeah, maybe they're getting some more chicken or I don't know.
He just trudges off.
Well, when I see Sully get up, then I then I'll I'll follow him.
Hey, Sully. Oh, Glim.
I wasn't kidnapped.
I I know I was watching from over there so that I would be ready
in case you were, because Moot went with his friend,
Eska, to do some magic training.
So I was waiting, but then.
Yeah, you didn't get you didn't get kidnapped.
Are you OK? Yeah, it's a little disappointing.
Thanks for asking.
It's a little disappointing, but you know what?
I kind of realized something as I was sitting there
that when I saw that guy at the dock
after we had, you know.
Got gone there and was like doing the thing
and and did the whole like given to the scrolling stuff.
He totally showed me Merv being let go.
Yeah, yeah, I thought maybe you wanted to find out where Merv was
so we could go get him, so he could come with us.
But I think he's safe.
I think I can tell you something, Glim.
You know what?
Merv and I, we met in the prison in in Neverwinter.
We didn't actually know each other that great.
I did have a big a big heavy sack of guilt
weighing on my heart because it was essentially my fault
that he was pulled into that
that that big that big hole.
So but now that I see that he's been let go,
I think I can probably, you know, rid myself of those feelings
and give my whole attention to your quest for world domination.
Oh, well, I mean, it's saving the world,
but I mean, I guess dominating it with with good spirits
and good intentions is sort of sort of what we're doing.
Dominate it with with love.
Yeah. Yeah.
Let's dominate this world with love.
Yeah. Get up on it with love. That's right.
You scream that as you're walking to the rusty buck.
Rusty buck.
You can't make that word.
It's a rusty bucket.
I know. I want to call it a rusty bucket.
Why? What's a rusty bucket?
I don't know.
Not a thing.
You're saying that as you walk back to the rusty bucket
and you scream that just as the doors open and on the other side.
What's that about mountain things with love?
Judith and I.
Judith. Yeah.
Oh, wow.
It's it's been a long day.
We fade out on the two of you brushing off.
Judith and we cut back to Moot and Eska.
The two of you have skipped off arm in arm
down the streets and you get about, I don't know,
20 meters away and Eska stops.
It's like, where are we going?
Well, I thought you were leaving.
Oh, no, I just got swept away in the in the excitement of skipping.
I haven't skipped in forever, my friend.
Oh, neither have I.
We've been very busy sneaking out of cities that don't like us.
So skipping was not on the menu for a while.
Well, well, OK.
Well, if we're going to talk about this, maybe just find because
like it seems to like the the power,
just like it feels like it's rushing through, like out of the earth,
out of the out of Nate, like maybe we just go find an open field
and like practice, see if we can get it to happen.
It's a pretty good idea, actually.
It's, you know, as a
just controlled experiment, as best we could do it.
Yeah. OK.
The two of you continue to skip off just outside of the city.
And you're out in an open field.
Grass about knee height
by a little stream that's running down to the city and says,
well, what kind of what kind of things can you do?
You said like it was like ice stop another fire fire at that point.
I did the yeah.
Yeah. I mean, honestly, it kind of changes every now and then.
Just if I if I haven't done it in a while,
sometimes new things surprise me.
So it's probably good we came to an empty field to test this out.
All right. OK.
Well, I guess I'll go I'll go first.
He begins moving his hands towards the stream.
And you see the water begin to lift up and out of this stream.
And he moves it in a sphere
out in between the two of you.
And he's focusing quite hard on it.
And you see it kind of vibrating
in between his hands, not holding it, but just levitating there.
It's.
Nothing, nothing else seems to be like I can control.
Like specifically, like water is really easy for me.
Anything else is.
I don't seem to have a grasp on yet.
And he moves his hands and it pops and falls to the ground.
OK, hmm.
Well, I mean, it makes sense that water works well for you.
That that makes total sense to me.
For me, yeah, like it started with with a lot of ice kind of stuff.
And now I've got some fire stuff and I, you know, I guess I'll.
Try and just throw a fire bolt over over in the water,
because that way it'll it'll just go out and no one will get hurt.
There's a lot of grass here.
We don't want to we don't want to burn down, burn down the place.
Yeah, yeah, that's that's a bad that's a bad plan.
So, yeah, I'll go stand over by the river and I'll
I'll throw the fire bolt into it.
Is that yeah, that checks out.
Sure. Yeah, yeah, let's do that.
All right. So, yeah, I, you know, kind of.
Palm up and I've got a little fire bolt in my hand
and I throw it on into the river.
All right. So as you cast this fire bolt,
roll me on your wild magic surge table.
Got to get that surge table.
I rolled a thirty four.
So thirty four.
You're going to maximize the damage of your next damaging spell
you cast within the next minute.
So let's say you feel like there's something something inside you
that's just got to got to come out.
How close is Eska to me?
Like I would say that as you cast, like he's behind you,
but maybe like, I don't know, five to ten feet tops.
Like he trusts us that, you know, he can like water splash fire.
So I kind of look at my hand after I throw the the fire bolt
into the river and it's like there's like
human torch style.
It's like my hand is still kind of glowing.
Afterwards, and I turned to Eska and I point at my hand.
I say, like, well, this doesn't usually happen.
That's not normal. I was going to ask if that's normal.
No, no, it's not. It's not normal.
Should I? Should I do it again?
He shrugs and like gives this big face of like, yeah.
Yeah, that's what we're here for, to practice, right?
OK, all right. Yeah, let's do it.
And this time I put both of my hands together.
And like my thumbs touching and the fingers are spread out
and I unleash a cone of fire,
just flames shooting out everywhere.
And like some of it's hitting the river and some of it isn't
because it's a little more than I had planned on.
This fire erupts from your hands and splashes down
and Eska immediately sees that it kind of splashes up
onto the grass on the other side.
And he moves to throw some water onto the burning grass
as it sets and looks to use it without that one.
Is that a different kind of thing?
Or is that the same like that was bigger?
No, no, that was that was I just felt like I was really like revved up.
So I I went for more.
Oh, yeah, I could I could see that.
Like it just like.
And as you guys are talking and discussing the ground begins to shake.
Oh, boy, is that is that you, too?
I don't I don't think so.
This is a new one for me.
You're looking around trying to figure out
neither of you is really feeling anything except the ground shake,
not your usual usual magic.
Tingle, tingle.
And there's an.
The sound of ground tearing and
what can only be described as an explosion
coming from the center of the city.
We cut to Sully and Glim and you are sitting in the rusty bucket.
Avoiding Judith.
And the table begins to shake and the ground begins to shake.
Pictures begin falling off the wall and you hear this explosion.
Judith, what the fuck did you do?
It wasn't me.
Does it with everything now?
It's escalated. Oh, God.
Double down on it.
So, I mean, there's two separate groups here,
but each kind of describes to me what you do as soon as this explosion goes.
Ask and I just kind of look at one another.
And do we see, like, smoke or anything in the city?
Yeah, after a brief moment, you see what looks like
ash and black cloud billowing up from the center of the city,
kind of towards the town square where you had just come.
I say, ask, I would like we got to go check on Sully and Glim.
They might be that that might have been them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, let's go. Let's go.
Two of you run off back towards the center of town.
Glim and Sully. What was that, Sully? I think.
That that sounded really bad.
It did sound bad. Is it time to save the world, Glim?
I don't know, but I think maybe we should start.
And I think we run out of the rusty bucket.
Yeah, let's head towards that explosion.
This one's on you, Judith.
I got it.
You burst out and you see this black cloud
and ash billowing up from the town square where you had just come.
It's down the street from where you are in the rusty bucket.
You're running down the street and people are running away from you.
Neska, you're running in from the opposite side of the city
and people are pushing past you as you're trying to get to
where this explosion had come from.
And you round the corner and you see that there is this tear
in the center of the town square that opens up into this black pit
that is billowing flame and black cloud and ash.
And you hear this guttural scream.
Come from the center of this mess and up shooting from this cloud
is this winged, hideous demon that bursts up into the cloud
and begins flying around and swooping down,
trying to pick up people that are fleeing.
The song Long Road Ahead is by Kavin McCloud
of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
All other music and sound effects can be found
at epidemicsound.com or boomlibrary.com.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
Christian Brown, Darylith, Devon Michaels,
Gabriel Lynch, Jacob Madden, Jessica Babyok,
Cat Waterflame, Mark Heartless, and Stevie.
To find out more about how you can support
Dumbgeons & Dragons, visit us at Patreon.com
slash dumdragoncast,
where you can have exclusive access to 50-plus hours
of bonus audio content,
create in-game NPCs and items,
as well as play games with the cast.
Patreon.com slash dumdragoncast.
Have a great week, and we'll talk soon.
Okay.
Out of character, out of game.
What's your play here?
Well, I'm not sure, but I think-
Well, as far as I can track it-
Because when you handed the scroll over
to the guy at the dock,
he showed you an image of Merv being let free.
Yeah, I know, but how do I-
No, I didn't remember that.
Like, Merv, you basically saw him being
walked off the premises and being like,
bye.
And you don't know what city that's in.
Well, then maybe we'll find out
that I'm not gonna get kidnapped,
and I'm just gonna assume that Merv is fine,
and then we're gonna go to-
Maybe while you're contemplating in the square,
you can think about-
Oh, remember.
You can think about how.
Okay, yeah, that's fair.
Okay, back in-
Never give me important plot point information.
I had forgotten that happened, too.
I also had forgotten.
Thank you!
There was all that-
Rooftop chase.
I mean, it was so long ago
we found the information.
There was intense high action
between then and now.
There's a lot going on.
You forged new friendships.
Fair enough.
Dumbgeons & Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.